Of Fears

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I have a fear of heights and the dark. Well, I used to have a fear of heights and the dark. I’ve read something – a book, an internet post, a message – that said I did not fear heights or the dark exactly, but the unknown that lies within them. It is not the dark that I am frightened of, but the countless shadows that seem to form, taking on personas of various monsters and demons with the purpose of harm. It is not heights that I am frightened of, but the answer to the question, what happens after I fall? and if you think that the answer isn’t “unknown” to the latter exactly – and yes, I know, I get it: my skull could crack and my bones could break and I could lie dying in a pool of my own blood, but there’s the uncertainty lying within the number of possibilities that could happen. There’s the uncertainty lying within the thought of how it’d feel to fall and hit the ground. There’s the uncertainty lying within the thought of death.

Do all of our fears lead to the same thing: the fear of the unknown? What’s your fear? Spiders, ghosts, banshees, blood, the death of loved ones – some of these we cannot even begin to explain the origin of dread that makes us shudder. Some are just mere possibilities. The idea that it could happen frightens us, despite circumstances that say there’s a higher probability it wouldn’t.

Then again, we never know, don’t we? It’s what has haunted mankind for centuries. We are born into this world unknowing, and we leave it the same still. We throw ourselves into exploring and finding what we can, but instead of arriving at answers, we reap new questions. The majority of us focus on making survival as comfortable as it can get, with our questions left to gather dust at a corner in our heads, manifesting as the universal fear; as the reason why we hold on to God and fate, and find solace in the promise of forever and heaven; in wearing lucky charms and blowing dandelions to the wind. You never know. You never know. you dread this at the same time it gives you hope.

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Roads taken alone sometimes make you appreciate the journey more – and you also learn how to look out for yourself.

It’s a wide, wild world out there. Just thinking of the odds is enough to power up enough fear to be aware; to be conscious of our well-being I’m sure we’d all like to keep and surroundings we all want to look out for. And that’s when all of a sudden, that fear that turns to awareness turns to appreciation. For example, at the end of the day we’ve remained safe and somehow just knowing you could’ve been a victim of some crime makes you appreciate that fact. Or when we’re walking and looking out for ourselves and just look up and see the sunset coloring the sky pink and orange, lighting up the clouds… It’s beauty found in the most unexpected moment. You’re looking out for the big bad wolves and found yourself in an enthralling forest.

It’s a strange correlation I can’t put into words very well, but it’s a benefit of being paranoid and imaginative as hell and something that’s part of my daily routine that I’m grateful for. It all happens in just a snap; a split-second of wonder… But somehow, it manages to be an amazing phenomenon.