Elpis

Aside

Stars remind you of home – a place that exists in the past and nowhere else. It was where you could breathe and live and belong and take all of those things for granted.

The city didn’t have much of them. Tonight was a rare feat with a few stars scattered in the night sky, twinkling; a reminder of home, of the fact you had breathed and lived and belonged, and maybe someday, you would again.

These thoughts occur to you while you stood barefoot outside, looking up and looking back. Several years flash back before you. You are no longer the person you were, or all the ones you tried to be. Everything about you is constantly shifting in place and every shift feels permanent. You regard yourself with bitterness, for you’re a person with beliefs and sexuality and traits that you know people around you will find hard to come to terms with; you regard yourself with bitterness that comes along with the realization you’re the only one who will accept yourself without hesitation or judgment.

Several years flash back before you. You realize, now, that there are things that could have been prevented, things that shouldn’t matter but do, things that should matter but don’t, things that you never thought would happen. There was no telling what would happen then and there is no telling now. You no longer trust anyone or anything, except for the fact that, after all this time, you will be okay.

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